If TA-65 had been discovered in the 19th century, President Lincoln would now be turning 205 years old, tweeting like a boss from his yacht staffed by models recruited from the KGB and the Mossad and using his personal brand as a consultant helping to rehabilitate Governor Chris Christie's run for the presidency.
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Know your history, dudes! Abe Lincoln did something far more heroic (and badass) than just ‘freeing the slaves’

Today is the birthday of our 16th American president, Abraham Lincoln.  If TA-65 had been discovered in the 19th century (by someone other than the Count of Saint Germain), President Lincoln would now be turning 205 years old, tweeting like a boss from his yacht staffed by models recruited from the KGB and the Mossad and using his personal brand as a consultant helping to rehabilitate Governor Chris Christie’s run for the presidency. Sound a bit fanciful and far-fetched? Perhaps no more so than what our Hollywood movie system served us in 2012.

For those of you who don’t know, in 2012 a $69M movie that grossed $116M was spawned that sought to recast and even augment our reverence for this great man. It was called (wait for it…..)

“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. 

And it is about just that: Abraham Lincoln is a vampire hunter. I kid you not.

 

abraham_lincoln_vampire_hunter_img

http://youtu.be/34x6m-ahGIo

For those of you viewers playing along with our home game, I submit the following multiple-choice question:

The 2012 movie, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” best represents:

A)  Kitschy and ersatz lowbrow art possibly created to mock the lowbrow sensibilities of moviegoers

B)  A post-modernist opus in the proud tradition of “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”

C)  An example of cinematic hubris that spawned a work of monumental cognitive dissonance

D)  A sign of the apocalypse and the cultural syphilis that Hollywood movie-making represents

E)  All of the above

In all fairness to the creators of said magnum opus of haute cultural import, I have not actually seen this movie. Shame on me. Who knows? With “Harold and Maude” and “Dr. Strangelove” ranking as my #1 and #2 favorite movies, perhaps I would have enjoyed it.  But based on this reviewer’s comments, I’m going to risk not investing 105 minutes of my attention span on something with such a inauspicious premise to stir the ‘better angels of [my] nature.’

“Someone forgot to tell the filmmakers … that the movie was supposed to be fun. Or at least smart.”

-Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal

Although… I might reconsider if there was a drinking game with hipster friends that involved take a swig of beer every time we felt an uncontrollable urge to chortle in disbelief and/or disgust…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

How can I help you?

Drop me a line to find out

Interested, confused, or curious?

Most questions answered in 24hrs

Fill in the form to email Dr. Park with your question